To Love Thyself?

“Love your neighbor as yourself”

In the month of “LOVE” we are surrounded with marketing and messages persuading us to buy or proclaim our love for special people in our lives…. But how do we truly love? It’s an age-old question that is as complex as history is messy and as simple as the words of the apostle John, “GOD is love.” - 1 John 4:16

I invite you now to pause, breathe, and ask yourself - whom am I loving?

Are you on that list? Yes, you.

We can probably think of dozens of folks that conjure different types of “feels.” Others, we may long to help, protect, serve - an outward expression of our eternal connection to our Creator & Savior who sacrificed His very life to save us from death and damnation - the ultimate act of love. Perhaps, the idea of loving yourself makes your lips purse, eyebrows raise, and jaw clench. To love thyself is surely a new-age philosophy, we puzzle, dismissing it as antithetical to Christianity itself. But let me ask you this:

• Did Jesus eat?

• Did He steal away - carving out precious time with the Father?

• Did He welcome the affection of children? The fellowship of the 12?

• Did He accept financial gifts during his 3 year ministry?

• Did He welcome the woman who poured out her alabaster jar?

Now, Jesus is God, and deserves to be adored, worshiped, you may say. But where does that leave us?

Is self-care, self-love… biblical?

I propose that it all boils down to motive & balance.

The Greatest Commandment is “Love your neighbor as thyself.” This very command of God emphasizes both love for others and love for self. Is it a stretch to say that the impetus for loving others flows from the foundation that we are able to love ourselves? And how is that foundation established?

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?“ (An expert in the Law questioned him). Jesus replied, “ ‘Love the Lord Your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” - Matthew 22:37-40 (Jesus quoting from Old Testament Law - Deuteronomy 6:5, Leviticus 19:18).

Certainly, you do not need to teach a baby to love himself/herself. To care for one’s self is as innate and instinctive as an infant who cries for affection, and the care of his/her basic physical needs. Yet, we also know through studies, that to deprive a baby of the love of a trusted care-giver leads to an eventual end to their natural cries. Why is this? Because we were made, by God, for love. Without love, we shut down.

Consider the Apostle Paul’s example in Ephesians 5:25-30

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church - for we are members of His body.

It is human nature to care for our own bodies. We are hardwired for love and care.

And this is where motive & balance come into play.

Because love of self can become an idol. We humans are prone to extremes after all. And there is an Enemy who would like nothing better than to see us humans elevating ourselves, as he did, desiring to be like God - desiring to be God. The one in control. The one with the power. This is an entitled, self-honoring mindset. This is not true love.

Love does not hoard, love gives. (See 1 Corinthians 13:1-13)

It is the natural order in God’s eco-system to love and be loved in return. It is simply how we are made in the image of God. Made for relationships. Made for love.

When we are receiving God’s love, we are motivated to love God - this is worship! In turn, we are able to love ourselves because we know we are His. Created by Him; precious, worthy, and loved by the Father. It is the ability to receive His love that inspires us then to pour out that love onto our neighbors. We desire others we love to know and experience the love of God. A beautiful relational harmony.

GOD - US - OTHERS

In our daily lives, we wake up every morning with the power of choice. What will I choose to think about? What will I choose to spend my time and resources on today? Who will I interact with? Who will I show love to? How will I accomplish this?

I used to know a woman who believed she needed to prove her love for God, so she chose to sacrifice herself in every way she could think of. Physically, she ate only what God provided freely, wore only clothes given to her, removed her earrings and outward adornment, didn’t cut or style her hair, went without medical and dental care, and did the bidding of her husband - believing that to please God, she would submit to authority in all things. But inside, she grew resentful and angry. She was not receiving the love of God. She was trying to earn it. And therefore, with all her effort, she was unable to love well. She only suffered inside (emotionally, spiritually) and her physical body suffered too. She strived to love God & others, because she was desperate to be loved.

In contrast, I now know a woman who wakes up in the morning, choosing to receive grace - God’s undeserved by ever-available love - regardless of her past mistakes. She practices receiving God’s love. She carefully chooses what to fuel her body with, because she knows her body is a gift from God, created by Him. She heads to the gym, praising God as she cares for and strengthens both her mind and physical body through movement, resistance, pressure, and stretching. She nourishes herself as she packs lunches for her children and partners with her husband in life; able to extend the love of God to her family. Not magically, not fake, not perfect, but genuine. It is her practice. She balances receiving and giving, breathing in…breathing out. God is love. Love in…love out. Again.

And so I ask you, dear reader, which one are you? Or perhaps you are struggling to receive, striving to find balance, and asking God to help you truthfully examine our own heart motives. Do I love out of a desperation to be loved? Or do I bravely receive the illogical love of our extravagant God who chooses to love us without reciprocity?

Are you loving thyself?

You have been given: One Life. One body. One mind. One soul. May we all choose to practice receiving God’s love and letting it ooze out into every daily choice.