The spray tan has faded, the fancy French manicure has chipped away, and my body no longer sports the hard, lean, chiseled physique - yet favors a slightly softer, athletic look. That's the external fallout...but what about the internal? How is my heart after months spent carefully calculating calories, sleep and workouts? I was running the show; every single decision affected how I would appear on stage. But now, after a month has passed, I'm asking, "what are You doing with my heart God?"
It's 4:53 on a Sunday morning and I should be sleeping in, but an image arrests my mind. Like a dream I cannot shake, John's vision of the throne of heaven turns my thoughts to the book of Revelation.
“Whenever the living creatures give glory, honor and thanks to Him who sits on the throne and who lives for ever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall down before Him who sits on the throne and worship Him who lives for ever and ever. They lay their crowns before the throne and say:
“You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for You created all things, and by Your will they were created and have their being.”
As I reflect on this scene, my heart hears that "crowns" come in many forms: earthly accomplishments...pride...human glory. Prepping and competing in the figure competition was indeed an incredible gift, an honor granted by God. Yet as time passes, I wonder if I'm grasping at crowns. Am I willing to lay them down at Jesus' feet?
"Is this story about me or You God?" Are the boasts of my own accomplishments, clouding and interfering with opportunities here and now to love others well? What about my desire to stay “in control”? Control presents like a sparkling gem in my crown, appearing to shine, but becoming a heavy weight no mere human is meant to bear.
And so my heart says to my Savior this early Sunday morning, “Lord, I want to willingly give you all my crowns - adorned with achievements and all the things that tempt me to boast; the hard work I endured, the time I spent at the gym, every gift You've given me: the ability to love others well, and my work as a personal trainer. I gladly cast all jewels and crowns at Your feet and stand in awe of You God, who blesses richly and extravagantly. May I continue to give back through serving and loving all You have graciously given me. Amen."